Crying

Crying

Tears of blood
cascade like a flood
fall down my face
as if in a race
I gasp for air
blinded by despair
of lonely pain
drowning me in rain
oh I long to see
the beauty in me
my heart my soul
cry out to be whole
mortal wounds
like black balloons
resembe sins
at the mercy of the winds
buffeted about
I yearn to shout
am in so much pain
please someone unlock the chain.

From where did it come?
my life is the sum
of dark despair
and blackness where
my only friend
is loneliness
I cannot redress
am damaged beyond repair
so why is it so
that the god not there
does not care?

[show_avatar email=385 user_link=authorpage avatar_size=100]

Copyright © Wendy Chipperfield

Wendy Chipperfield is on facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/wendy.a.chipperfield

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Love Hurts

my knuckles rap softly on your door
I take two steps, maybe more
into your room
where an overwhelming sense of doom
washes over me

standing in that tiny room
I am momentarily lost in gloom
from shuttered windows stealing light
in a vain attempt to mimic night
for pale sun rays – liquid honey, amber and gold
come together brazen and bold
their tentacles blending colour and dance
break through and, as if by chance
they settle on you

you sit in front of your PC
you slowly, painfully turn towards me
oh God, your eyes are the most incredible blue
I’ve never seen that hue on you
surely a child took crayons and pens
and enthusiastically drew and drew
every single shade of blue
then put those colours through a lens
to blend that beautiful colour for you

I know I’m attempting to deflect what I see
for I’m trembling all over as hot tears threaten me
my heart goes crazy inside my chest
where a thousand butterfly wings
are all vying to escape the nest
an emotional avalanche takes hold of my brain
I Hope, I Wish I’ll go insane
for despite the lovely blue of your eyes
the unbearable pain in them tells me no lies

I’ve taken all of you in with a single glance
and I know in my heart I don’t have a chance
of ever escaping the suffering I see
not if I live for eternity
.. oh John you are dying in front of my eyes
why did you only tell the skies
instead of me?
standing before you I clearly see
the life flowing out of you, leaving me
bewildered, bereft, my grief paralyzed
oh why can’t I stop gazing at your eyes?

I don’t want you to go!
but I wanted to know!
I needed to sew a fabric of you
that was honest and true;
a garment of colour to place over me
to protect and give succour and set me free
in those times when the pain
and unbearable darkness sent me almost insane
I wanted to weave into your soul
my love for you to carry you through
I wanted to tend that gaping hole
but both of us knew that would never come true
… for those you most trusted as a little boy
treated you like a throw-away toy
and not even I, who loved you so much
could touch
that part of your soul, the part with the gaping hole

a hymn plays softly in my head
it’s supposed to stop me wanting to be dead
as I move towards you my heart breaks in two
then shatters like glass
I could kick the arse of that nameless hymn
for my eyes start to brim
I can barely see
but you need me
to be brave and strong
and I simply refuse to get this wrong
.. my grief can wait for a future song

I wrap my arms around all of you
my body, too, embraces you
I whisper tender words of soothing love
I bring forth for us both
the perfect white dove
I speak without pause, a balm of gauze
reassuring, caressing, simply loving you
taking your shame
and all your self blame
as your body is wracked by wrenching sobs
as though my presence has done its job
for I know without question you feel my Love
encircled safely in my arms
your suffering shared allows you to calm

I speak to you Johnno straight from my heart
I feel your body start to let go
for it’s finally time for you to fly
feel the wind in the sky
feel the ebb and flow of the salty sea
just as Nature meant it to be
I will hold you tight in my arms
all day and all night if that’s what it takes
for your sobs to abate
and then I will stay close by your side
I won’t go away and while you sleep
I’ll watch over you
and only then will I weep

so many words are being spoken
in the church
where I sit
and stare
at where
you lie
there are hymns burning holes
in my soul
they don’t comfort me
like the rhythm of the sea
the words being spoken
mean nothing to me
but a token
of broken memories
I can’t bear to hear them
abbreviate you
tears fall freely
a dance down my face
I love you so dearly
your familiar form so clearly
gazes back at my stare
from atop that coffin so near
wherein you lie
and the flowers I placed there
so lovingly to die
with you

On this day while others pray
and you and I say
Goodbye
I have no hesitation in letting you go
simply because I love you so
I want you to fly to the top of the sky
and find Peace and Joy
for that little boy
who followed you through life

because the man he became
was loved by me – your wife

[show_avatar email=385 user_link=authorpage avatar_size=100]

Copyright © Wendy Chipperfield

Wendy Chipperfield is on facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/wendy.a.chipperfield

Photo Credit: The image used herein is taken from the Internet. Due appreciation and credit is acknowledged for the same.

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Tribute to Johnno

my knuckles rap softly on your door
I take two steps, maybe more
into your room
where an overwhelming sense of doom
washes over me

standing in that tiny room
I am momentarily lost in gloom
from shuttered windows stealing light
in a vain attempt to mimic night
for pale sun rays – liquid honey, amber and gold
come together, brazen and bold
their tentacles blending colour and dance
break through and, as if by chance
they settle on you

you sit in front of your PC
you slowly, painfully turn towards me
oh God, your eyes are the most incredible blue
I’ve never seen that hue on you
surely a child took crayons and pens
and enthusiastically drew and drew
every single shade of blue
then put those colours through a lens
to blend that beautiful colour for you

I know I’m attempting to deflect what I see
for I’m trembling all over as hot tears threaten me
my heart goes crazy inside my chest
where a thousand butterfly wings
are all vying to escape the nest
an emotional avalanche takes hold of my brain
I Hope, I Wish I’ll go insane
for despite the lovely blue of your eyes
the unbearable pain in them tells me no lies

I’ve taken all of you in with a single glance
and I know in my heart I don’t have a chance
of ever escaping the suffering I see
not if I live for eternity
Oh John you are dying in front of my eyes
why did you only tell the skies
instead of me?
standing before you I clearly see
the life flowing out of you, leaving me
bewildered, bereft, my grief paralyzed
oh why can’t I stop gazing at your eyes?

I don’t want you to go!
and I wanted to know!
I needed to sew a fabric of you
that was honest and true;
a garment of colour to place over me
to protect and give succour and set me free
in those times when the pain and unbearable darkness
sent me almost insane
for you were by far the dearest friend I’ve ever had
you were always there when I needed you
when my heart was bear you intuitively knew
but most of all never once in your life
did you judge me in any way
and for me, your wife, that was your gift
I most treasured every day

a hymn plays softly in my head
it’s supposed to stop me wanting to be dead
as I move towards you my heart breaks in two
then shatters like glass
I could kick the arse of that nameless hymn
for my eyes start to brim
I can hardly see
but you need me
to be brave and strong
and I simply refuse to get this wrong
…my grief can wait for a future song

I wrap my arms around all of you
my body, too, embraces you
I whisper tender words of soothing love
and bring forth for us both
the perfect white dove
I speak without pause, a balm of gauze
reassuring, caressing, simply loving you
taking your shame
and all your self blame
as your body is wracked by wrenching sobs
as though my presence has done its job
for I know without question you feel my Love
encircled safely in my arms
your suffering, shared, allows you to calm

I speak with love straight from my heart
I feel your body start to let go
it’s finally time for you to fly
feel the wind in the sky
feel the ebb and flow of the salty sea
just as Nature meant it to be
I will hold you John, tight in my arms
all day and all night if that’s what it takes
for your sobs to abate
and then I will stay close by your side
I won’t go away
and while you sleep I’ll watch over you
and only then will I weep

…. so many words are being spoken
in the church
where I sit
and stare
at where
you lie
there are hymns burning holes
in my soul
they don’t comfort me
like the rhythm of the sea
for the words being spoken
mean nothing to me
but a token
of broken
memories
I can’t bear to hear them
abbreviate you
my tears fall freely
a dance down my face
I love you so dearly
your familiar form so clearly
gazes back at my stare
from atop the coffin so near
wherein you lie
and the flowers I placed there
so lovingly to die
with you

On this day while others pray
and you and I say
Goodbye
I have no hesitation in letting you go
simply because I love you so
I want you to fly
to the top of the sky
and find Peace and Joy
for that little boy
who followed you through life
because the man he became
was loved by me
…. your wife

[show_avatar email=385 user_link=authorpage avatar_size=100]

Copyright © Wendy Chipperfield

Wendy Chipperfield is on facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/wendy.a.chipperfield

Photo Credit: The image used herein is taken from the Internet. Due appreciation and credit is acknowledged for the same.

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Blossoms

Blossoms

blossoms crush
beneath my feet
my heart is heavy,
skips a beat
I hope I do not tread
those coloured blossoms dead
for blossoms are by far
to me
more beautiful than e’en
the tree
from which they fell
in silent grace
as if to place
a path for me
through dappled sunlight
dancing free
their beauty
takes my breath away
tactile tender trodden petals
playing on my skin
I wonder
if it is a crime
to wear them down so thin

[show_avatar email=385 user_link=authorpage avatar_size=100]

Copyright © Wendy Chipperfield

Wendy Chipperfield is on facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/wendy.a.chipperfield

Photo Credit: The image used herein is taken from the Internet. Due appreciation and credit is acknowledged for the same.

The image used herein is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license.

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The Gift

The Gift

‘stead of mourning for my wasted life
rather be Eagle, graceful, soaring high
above the clouds on outstretched wings
I glide on gentle lifting winds
then dive to thrill of rushing air
to search for You.

And guided by your soft sweet sigh
I find You silent, sitting high
on lonely cliff embraced by blues
the myriad hues of sea and sky.
You turn to me with inward gaze
eyes lost of hope by dark despair
I turn aside, ’tis private grief
a garment worn as second skin
of lonely courage long forgot
by world You once danced in.

I sit beside you on the crag
silent in respect for You
lost in time we gaze out to sea
’til I sense my presence comforts thee
…then lovingly, tenderly, ever so gently
I take your Anguish and your Pain
no longer yours they are now mine
your eyes spring with tears at my gesture of love
as I witness you warily reach back in time
to your life before darkness
where Light and Love shine

…then we rise on wings as together we soar
higher, higher through sapphire sky
soft evening light to show the way
give me your tears and You will see
the pureness in Beauty as we sail free
to find You a haven, enfold with warm love
so You can remember smiles’ beauty you wore
and relive the joy of love’s skin on yours.

Then high and free ‘bove evening sky
embraced by sunset’s crimson hues
I finally offer my gift to You
your eyes lock on mine, astonished to see
my own reflection mirrored back to thee
for I am You, and You are Me
just as so ‘oft you dreamed it would be

…then graceful Eagle rises one last time
as Gift blossoms free like flower bloom
for final journey to top of the world
feeling Joy at last on wings outstretched
my heart is at home, I let go of despair
and embrace lost laughter filling the air
uplifting symphony silent so long
sets me free and takes me home
to my gentle cocoon, familiar warm nest
where I, graceful Eagle, can die in peace
and finally rest.

As I enter sweet death just before I die
I turn towards Eagle, see nothing but sky
tears flow freely as I say goodbye
and all around me sky becomes golden hue
’tis my love flowing freely from long silent heart
for a bird who came nightly to soften my dreams
who gave comfort and succour when no-one else cared
You, graceful Eagle were always there
…I humbly thank you
with love

[show_avatar email=385 user_link=authorpage avatar_size=100]

Copyright © Wendy Chipperfield

Wendy Chipperfield is on facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/wendy.a.chipperfield

Photo Credit: The image used herein is taken from the Internet. Due appreciation and credit is acknowledged for the same.

The image used herein is in the public domain.

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